The driest scape of my heart (25 Oct 2009)

yesterday you granted me
permission to see
the infinite colour and texture
of love

it didn’t come softly
or smooth; hurt never does
a steady rain smoothes
away the grit of anger

exposed
my sharp toothed Ego slams
shut the window –
defensiveness, like full
length curtain dull the noise

it’s dark in here. A heavy
rain knocks knocks knocks
I’m worn to the core – I feel
stripped; awkwardly naked

words hurt when I touch them
they scratch tear drops down
my face

and I see what I am watering
has seeded in the rockiest
driest scape of my heart

the worthless soil I never
raked, for had I before -
something more than ugly
would rise

I would declare myself
a barren lot, close the street
shut the city; don’t play here!
don’t play here …

love excluded me
from this lie, I dig deeper
I am in a safe place

loosening the dirtiness
opening the windows
stepping out
it’s pouring with rain outside

as I understand it
love can not stay dormant
a seed, the compressed DNA
of all my life times’ failures

and stepping stones, of all my
ancestors’ pains and faultings
(not least of all my parents)

of all shame that I, in this
life time, buried – all these
seeds will find expression
through love. IN love.

(please don’t confuse
these expressions with
the essence of your Being)

The essence of your Being
is shining in darker spaces
you will feel ugly
for a time

The essence of your Being
is shining in darker spaces
because there is an equal
vibration (it is all called love)

so vast it transforms
like a smile
all expressions of life

dance in the thunder

for this is a very good thing
that is happening to you