what lies down
today
as a part of me
lies down tonight
as a part with you
yet all that changes
as I die and live on the breath
of I do
all that changes
is the rose-fire
moon
finding its course
and signalling to all earth
all heaven
that life is worth
offering
my whole soul to
I die and live on the breath
of I do
to have an idea
and hold it
is too fragile
even for a wedding ring
it’s up to you
because I’ve been sitting still
for so long
and the momentum
the momentum behind me
has built to a point
that this decision
this decision that you
avoid and hide from
is going to thrust me
and you together
or wide wide apart
I wanted to tell him
I knew what he was going through
but I couldn’t
because I’ve never wanted to kill myself
my stories are insignificant
and yet, when I finally said
I know all these feelings
he paused in his descent
he ripped himself from his gloom
he stared at me
and awoke my pain
I am sad in his eyes
I am sad in his presence
the grief beyond
this shadow
is the mountain
to stay is a foot
in front of the other
climbing for air
to leave is to plunge
in darkest of valleys
claiming no air
the sufi’s spin
round, they know
what it is to yearn
perhaps I was one of them
perhaps I forgot
who the beloved was
I’m trying to surface
he grabbed my hand
he said let’s have fun
it’s a bubble of air
