today I praise you, I am humbled by you
in your unconscious way, you saw
what must be done
that the two of us, that husbandwife team
could no longer sustain
our own journey
to become
whole and complete
you saw in that unconscious way
two spirits who had outlived
each other
our karma was gone
(did I hurt you this bad last time?)
our need to dream
together
became less important
than our need to wake up
in this way, I can see you
waking up from this fantasy
left open wounds, constant bleeding
I never knew if life or death
was more appealing
I never knew what I was capable of
pain, like that of an unborn child
can have no name, no face
and yet it cuts the deepest
loss of all
what am I following?
the wind is too strong
the sun is too bright
the sea is enormous
I can only sing to the earth
each day is new, and each day is my last
I could paint this picture
it is my life
that dark purple in between the trees
that colour didn’t exist
until I saw me
in a rage so heavy I couldn’t lift
the light in front of my eyes
it is my life
that dark purple bleeds
between my knees, it claims all space
and light
there is no light
I rest here in what has become
my dark and shitty compost
my new life
I wanted to die
buried in the earth
to think, a longer day
like spring
can signal the death of you and me
because winter has claimed me
and no new shoot rose from my being
I am the city of eden
I built it all
to be a most fantastical
space, I believed it
was bigger than me
more robust, more substantial
than my existence, it was
an idea that carried
my inner sanctum
I gave it all the gravity
it needed to exist
I gave it everything
and when the tree dropped
it’s apple; my city of eden
the whole universe disappeared
I am walking
city gale
my eyes sting
red, my lungs
are screaming
a pack of dogs
strangers can’t see
the wind whipping
through me
killing the animal
that learnt how to love
and live in these streets
I know death will meet us
in various guises
like cancer
or lies
or betrayal
at night I can hear the stream
it pulls me back
no matter where I go
in my head
in my head
there is always the swirl and froth
or languid passing
of liter and debris
everything is on a journey
over clouds, we try to fly
always the sunrise disappears
or never ends
when I leave, when I leave
I hear my thumping heart
I feel my beating head
at night
if the stream were to stop talking
the ocean would know
its death
What contract did your soul sign
that wanted to hurt me so much?
what love did I need
that could penetrate so deep?
