Tag Archives: healing

final casa operation (19 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

I’m unsure why I got operated
on this time
I feel at full health
  cheia de graca

I’m boundless and bounding
full of life’s wonders and enthusiasm
I’m light on my feet and
  agile in mind

my heart is resting in the
  rose quartz
and dancing a pink glow
  into my neighbours

I see only flowers on their
faces, and oh how I adore
my husband. I must be
ready to give this energy

back, in service to the Casa
– maybe the Entities current
room, or let me rekindle with Grace
in the room of Operations

I can be humbled in there
anytime. (it’s not me after all, that
glows, it is God)
Just take me, I’m ready

and even my request
has surrendered to you
– proxima passo – what’s next?
for I am willing to Grace

And then you say ‘Operation’
I laugh. This is hysterical. No!
it’s inconceivable. I’m ready!
I’m ready As Is! Come on!

See me as perfect!

Stop this continual tinkering!
really, I thought this was my week
to be of great servitude, not of
great solitude again

Yes … I see …
you are not the genie
make-three-wishes, kind
this is the mirror …

I have no more requests. I am ready to leave

my feline angel (15 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

a cat’s whisker passes me by
a second before I knew I needed
her; I spasm, inch myself to bed

my feline angel accompanies me
and composes herself on my covers
to stay the duration

she is next door neighbour’s
she is visiting
my hospital bed, all day if need

and need says yes
I, on my back, lie with her
she purrs and sleeps

with my pain
she tells me it’s alright
to lie in bed all day

at night she goes home
wishing me comfort
and she’s back the next day

early, climbs straight onto
my bed, I still have need of her.
I can pat her now, and

every time I pass my hand
over her full and nourished belly
I can feel the caverns of contentment

so completely sated in lying
in bed, in being adored
and knowing she’ll always, always

always she’ll be fed on time
this is my healing
I am touching cat consciousness

back (14 Nov 2009)

25 Jan

I thought I was going today
I was stepping through the door
  to find my way out

and yesterday I cried
when I said goodbye
I don’t think I’m ready

  but I’m leaving
there are adventures to
  show off

I was stepping out the door
and something collapsed
  around my heart

  supporting my breath
I am stabbed in the back
I’m demobilised, lying flat

unsure of my new mechanics
how do I move without
  any of my known functions

it’s safer
just to surrender to my bed
I’m needing here, severed memories

bind me to this place, the decision
was made for me –
I’m not leaving yet

I’m back, flat on my back and wondering what’s next?

the deepest you’ve ever been (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

you think you forgive
you think it ten thousand times
and say it aloud, a ritual
  of meaning

you think it complete and
true in your heart – I forgive
  you – it’s sincere, punctured
into so many prayers. You think
  you forgive.

Only, you know how every real
  estrangement feels
in every second of every prayer
how a lid contains the real pain

  that God is separate from me
  that Love is divided from me

this is the deepest you’ve ever been

because somewhere
  in one of those prayers
you find yourself
  defenceless

vulnerability that needn’t
  surrender because
  there’s nothing left
  to give or loose

you find yourself
  sad and worthless
  and shrivelling
in wonder at how much
  you deny

  God and love
and light and grace
and in that prayer
you find forgiveness is

  a by-product, an accident
that happens in love
  an accident destined
before you ever knew to ask

forgiveness (1 Nov 2009)

24 Jan

I was a little surprised
to see you could still fit
  in my heart

I thought you well and truly
  banished
those old I Love You’s

  seed deep, they never
actually leave, they never
intended to change my life

either. It’s a simple truth
  every love transforms
into itself again, the divine

holds and forgives
the deepest and silliest
  sorrows, yes this parched

heart can hold so much more
than I ever knew
existed

to find you still here
(in my heart)
shows how truly vast love is

I’ll be yours (31 Oct 2009)

24 Jan

I’ll be yours
till the end falls away
I’ll be yours

there’s a shadow in truth
trying to find
the pure light of us

seeking
our highest self is calling
come be with me

come play in the garden
the sun in shining
and I need you

I need you in light
  shining on my shadows
shine on my shadow
it’s a long journey
  but I’ll be yours

sometimes I’m gonna hide
sometimes I’m gonna cry
there’s a thorn
there’s a barbed word hangin round

it’s not easy to be glorious
  and graceful in the light
shining on my shadows
shine on my shadow

and I need us in the light
I will be
  Yours

Till the end falls away

surviving each other (30 Oct 2009)

24 Jan

there’s a tender soul
opening the door
without a word

you are instantaneous
no sooner after the pencil
  starts forgiving

you come so beautifully
artfully, ardently into
my arms, and I, in yours

no words spoken, no words lost
this is the way we
survive

in silence, it’s easy to surrender
this is how we love
each other

as tender and tussling waves into
the other and into the
  wider ocean

there we go again (30 Oct 2009)

24 Jan

the amount of time a mere trip
on a word, and the appending
how was I suppose to know

like maybe we were mind readers
at some stage, and now
terrible assumers

there we go again

both so allergic to
the disharmonic balance
and the ensuing Last Word

so many walls summoned
crumbling caves into solitary
confining the other

and our hearts are outside
bleeding and
begging to be open

there we go again

tearing
something open
that needs a tender touch

The driest scape of my heart (25 Oct 2009)

24 Jan

yesterday you granted me
permission to see
the infinite colour and texture
  of love

it didn’t come softly
  or smooth; hurt never does
a steady rain smoothes
away the grit of anger

  exposed
my sharp toothed Ego slams
shut the window –
defensiveness, like full
length curtain dull the noise

it’s dark in here. A heavy
rain knocks knocks knocks
I’m worn to the core – I feel
  stripped; awkwardly naked

words hurt when I touch them
they scratch tear drops down
  my face

and I see what I am watering
has seeded in the rockiest
driest scape of my heart

the worthless soil I never
raked, for had I before -
something more than ugly
  would rise

I would declare myself
a barren lot, close the street
shut the city; don’t play here!
don’t play here …

love excluded me
  from this lie, I dig deeper
I am in a safe place

loosening the dirtiness
opening the windows
stepping out
  it’s pouring with rain outside

as I understand it
love can not stay dormant
a seed, the compressed DNA
of all my life times’ failures

  and stepping stones, of all my
ancestors’ pains and faultings
(not least of all my parents)

of all shame that I, in this
life time, buried – all these
seeds will find expression
  through love. IN love.

(please don’t confuse
these expressions with
the essence of your Being)

The essence of your Being
is shining in darker spaces
you will feel ugly
  for a time

The essence of your Being
is shining in darker spaces
because there is an equal
vibration (it is all called love)

so vast it transforms
  like a smile
all expressions of life

dance in the thunder

for this is a very good thing
that is happening to you

above (17 Oct 2009)

24 Jan

you wake me to show
  my first sunrise
I liked it so much I painted
  it on my wall

for a time and then washed
it out in golden light
the walls are white and
I’m on show

I want to bask in my shadows
short and intense in the
  midday sun.

From above
I hear the union of our pain
healing, another golden
sunrise will paint our walls

From above, another white light
will set free the shadows.

When they are cleared, it is
heaven to rest in the shade.

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