you want to know what hurts me?
it’s those masks you wear
it is your definition of naked
it is the blinkers on your eyes
your rose-tinted glasses
it’s the number of veils you wear
and won’t let me lift
it’s the escaping out of your body
when I need you here
it’s not believing a lotus
can grow out of mud
What is my exile?
It is this!
the smell of death
like a still wind
like a southerly front
out at sea
encroaching
approaching
and the breadcrumbs
thrown to the seagulls
squawking
like it is a banquet
and the breadcrumbs
mean nothing
they’re just leftovers
heart stopping
seams ripping
a life is bigger
than all those
excuses
of not being together
my heart is too big
for all those No’s
last night
my temple got emptied
pictures and figureheads
sacred and mundane
guidebooks, souvenirs
the cushioned seat
the writing paper
every dream
when the wind rushed in
it found only pipes
and organs
and a chant
a chant that spun
it spun the way the moon spins
the way a candle flickers
the way a group of woman call
and the wind stole that echo too
lifting it, lifting it
and my temple was empty of all sound
you pushed me away
so I closed the door
behind me
and locked it
you said nothing new to me
I’d heard it all before
I heard it when the door
was open
and I heard it again
from inside the cage
~
you know, I took myself
down to the river
I rescued the baby from the reeds
I gave a new life
to my life
so that I could come be
your still pond
~
I didn’t do it
so that you could turn around
and say this is my experience – yours
is coming
I did it to ready me
in the purest way I knew how
to be your sister
and auntie
to the magic of a bean
~
I want to be there
and say; I remember the day you were born
~
I want to know my sister
in strength
and in the fierce blood
of her own
I want to see you belong -
to see you ground your DNA on earth
to meet the part of you
that connects you
to the mountain
and know
in the shadow of that
majestic belonging
that I also belong
~
blood is thicker than water
it is true
I am not your true blood
which is why, this water I offered
was the sweetest I could
cultivate
the purest source I could find
and the stillest
of reflections
to match the blood of yours
~
this is the blood I share with you
I need a muse like I need God
I need to colour my life
with carrier pigeons
and love letters
written behind closed doors
on the floor at night
#
I need the footsteps
of my life to sound out
into your world
and know the glorious echoes
are heard – tell me – can you contain
me in the quiet chamber of your heart?
Will you call upon me
as the beginning sound of creation?
If you hold this for me
I will call you.
You are so rare
#
Meet me
Meet me now
See how ruffled I am
without you
Stop dropping me off
at the doorstep
Take me inside
#
A muse is such a gift
if you were to leave…
if you were to leave…
you’d awaken in me
the yearning that’s inside all of us
#
These things come undone
in their own time and way
You’re the poetry
Graffiti on the moon
I hang to the mid-air
and I point to you and I point to you
and then one day
I point that yearning towards
stillness
I point that yearning towards
Stillness
#
I need a muse like I need God
This yearning is so precious.
#
Beloved
I want you to decide now
before it’s too late
before a mighty sign is needed
I want you to decide
now, live or die
Be one hundred percent whatever
you choose
But you should know
if you fly from this earth
as you keep practicing each morning
I will be holding you
as your root
as your kite string in full
gale, as the yacht in full sail
I will be holding you
and I will not let you go
I will be more fierce
than the storm you summoned
to take you
I will not let you go.
I cry and he shifts in alarm
I tell him to hold me
and I feel the warm blanket
cover us
