what am I following?
the wind is too strong
the sun is too bright
the sea is enormous
I can only sing to the earth
each day is new, and each day is my last
Tag Archives: pain
what am I following? (7 Dec 2011)
24 Janthat dark purple (7 Dec 2011)
24 JanI could paint this picture
it is my life
that dark purple in between the trees
that colour didn’t exist
until I saw me
in a rage so heavy I couldn’t lift
the light in front of my eyes
it is my life
that dark purple bleeds
between my knees, it claims all space
and light
there is no light
I rest here in what has become
my dark and shitty compost
my new life
city gale (12 Aug 2011)
13 OctI am walking
city gale
my eyes sting
red, my lungs
are screaming
a pack of dogs
strangers can’t see
the wind whipping
through me
killing the animal
that learnt how to love
and live in these streets
at night (10 Aug 2011)
13 Octat night I can hear the stream
it pulls me back
no matter where I go
in my head
in my head
there is always the swirl and froth
or languid passing
of liter and debris
everything is on a journey
over clouds, we try to fly
always the sunrise disappears
or never ends
when I leave, when I leave
I hear my thumping heart
I feel my beating head
at night
if the stream were to stop talking
the ocean would know
its death
contract (Aug 2011)
7 OctWhat contract did your soul sign
that wanted to hurt me so much?
what love did I need
that could penetrate so deep?
stranger (01 Aug 2011)
2 OctI can not lay this pain
aside
I heave and I heave
for one breath of peace
I am on the floor
beside the toilet
the full length mirror in front
and when I look at her
I am the stranger
to all that is before me
I hate (23 July 2011)
2 Octhate is a piercing word
and even though I love
you, I had to scream it
I had to – like a wave has to
disembody itself on a rock
I HATE YOU
the last time I screamed those words
was into the face of my mother
I was fifteen and
she got more churned up
than the frothing white sea
that receives me now
this taiaha (07 July 2011)
29 SepI wield this stick
this taiaha
you have no business here
on my heartland
I strike you down
there is nothing left
… you reappear, fully formed
I take the taiaha
I spear your life
a great thwack
(the same sound
as road kill)
I strike again
your heart, groin, your
knees, ankles
you have no life here
in my heartland
I turn away, and
you reappear, fully formed …
awoke my pain (02 April 2011)
7 JunI wanted to tell him
I knew what he was going through
but I couldn’t
because I’ve never wanted to kill myself
my stories are insignificant
and yet, when I finally said
I know all these feelings
he paused in his descent
he ripped himself from his gloom
he stared at me
and awoke my pain
Unreasonable joy (28 March 2011)
3 AprThere’s a quality
a sensation
that keeps me company
I sit with it
I lie with it
I disconnect from it
I feel numb
estranged
the essence of my pain
~
this tear running down my cheek
reminds me where my body meets
the world
where the boundary
between my skin and the air
and the air I breathe
connect
this is my unreasonable joy
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