Tag Archives: surrender

wary (23 March 2011)

23 Aug

I’m exhausted
from my creations
of worthlessness

surrender (10 April 2011)

11 Jun

all I can do is move
towards

the unknown

wary (23 March 2011)

7 Jun

I’m exhausted
from my creations
of worthlessness

summer solstice (21 Dec 2010)

14 Feb

she’s reaching for her shadow
pulling it as a veil slowly
slowly covering her shine
the veil touches her womb
and stained red
it bleeds darkness into the night

I come to see her awaken
to reflect her light
to see her silver sickle grow
and the shadow of blood wane

I see her in the water
broken cascades of silver
as each wave holds her up
as each wave rolls in

I open and she opens
a sickle turning to a basin
the basin overflowing
into the roundness of a fertile belly

the red shadow has gone
the goddess arrives
it is her time
the pink quartz crystal
softening the surrender into
our own shadow

author (26 June 2010)

10 Jul

I called it a dismantling
and there’s an angel up there
  who knows the art
  of a good drama and
she calls it a deconstruction
  of character
(or she would if she didn’t
care). You call it a
collapse and it is perfect
like beliefs are such fragile
matchsticks and flames are
hungry for space, licking
their lips as identities disappear
  specifically yours
and it’s not a safe place to be
when you want control
or even a sense of it
I hope you fall gracefully
because big trees can be very stubborn
  under new winds

taxi (11 Dec 2007)

26 Feb

my first taxi ride in India
a sleek Cuban style vintage
upbeat experimental

  bollywood sounds; loud
alas – no kitch demi gods
protection from the dash

(thou Gannesh is stuck to the windscreen)

it’s night time, I want to see
what I am doing. I am being driven
  in the middle of the road

  with the lights off – is this a game?

and then appears
  a full beam stand-off
an on-coming headlight

starts the dance
  flick dip flick dip
I am material, not ethereal

please don’t confuse the two

only one Holy Jesus passes
  my lips – I’ve decided
   blaspheming is redundant

   in a country of gods
   on every dashboard (except mine)
it is simply me calling to my childhood

God, albeit, in a state of alarm

I think I have the horn section
  figured out now
a toot does not forewarn

  warning or demands
for right of passage, not really
it is an ‘as-you-were’

it’s all pretty much
  asymmetrical chaos
playing in the gaps of

  transient light and sound

I decide from here on in
  I have no cares
I let go of my foot on the floor

  stamping into that imaginary break
there are too many details
that make up India

for me to be in control

  this trip is starting out in deep surrender

deep (14 Jan 2010)

26 Jan

I am profoundly affected
only you don’t know
  you didn’t know

something deep inside
  detangles itself – collapses
because

you are toning, low earth notes
you are gifting Earth Mother’s
  vibration into my heart

I feel so … Held
  held in touch
  held in safe surrender

to the space existing between
  our bellies
  and own hearts’ opening

you are toning and I am in
  deep surrender, thank you
  for holding the space open

only … you don’t know
nothing has sounded from
  my lips, nothing is happening

in front of you, and you pull
  away, feeling unmet, feeling
I am holding on or holding back

an impatient stirring pulls you
  and in that movement
I am birthed and abandoned

I am shockingly naked
disorientated by aloneness
  something went wrong

  I am separate
  I am cold and burnt
  I am wombless

all agony surfaces
and I cry, loud and
  belly felt

I am a sight which you hold
You circle me again
The way Earth Mother always is

and I am rebirthed

my feline angel (15 Nov 2009)

26 Jan

a cat’s whisker passes me by
a second before I knew I needed
her; I spasm, inch myself to bed

my feline angel accompanies me
and composes herself on my covers
to stay the duration

she is next door neighbour’s
she is visiting
my hospital bed, all day if need

and need says yes
I, on my back, lie with her
she purrs and sleeps

with my pain
she tells me it’s alright
to lie in bed all day

at night she goes home
wishing me comfort
and she’s back the next day

early, climbs straight onto
my bed, I still have need of her.
I can pat her now, and

every time I pass my hand
over her full and nourished belly
I can feel the caverns of contentment

so completely sated in lying
in bed, in being adored
and knowing she’ll always, always

always she’ll be fed on time
this is my healing
I am touching cat consciousness

make room to be present (31 Aug 2009)

9 Jan

make room to see
  see that red exists in greens
  trees can be a naked purple
  grass can be so far apart even
   in a carpet lawn
  see the warmth rise and set
  the dancing tea-light expand
   larger than its wick
  see the moon turn
   into a decoration
  or a pond stand still
  see what flowers look like asleep
   (like kittens waiting for milk)
  see birds make crazy angles
  and braches bop to their song of support

and in amongst all the perfect
placements, there exists so much
space, moving as fast as I walk and
  as slow as a breathing mind

make room to hear
  hear the throbbing digestive belly
  traffic, a constant toning of arteries
  and asphalt. The enormous song
  of trees, pausing and disappearing
  into the white noise, here comes
  a whispering blue, an enthusiastic
  yellow. Orchestrating, conducting
  from root to branch
  the dance in a birds throat
  pealing now into now

and in amongst all the perfect
notes there exists so much space, falling and held
in the vast orchestra of in-between
gaps, tuning fork trees, all is
here to exist in this sound
  so sound can exist

make room to smell
  a peculiar breath, entirely conscious
  smell the wood, alive and dead
  smell death, rich and sweet in the
  foliage, in the foliage smell life
   bringing attention to itself
  smell the heat, smell last night’s
  sleep, smell our feet next to the chickens
  and the chicken’s next meal
  And when sitting, a soft
  delicate fragile memory of fragrance
  wafts under my nostril
  into my spine, onto my lips, into
  my spine, onto my lips

and in amongst all the perfect
and stray memories and threads
comes the slow light fragrance of attention
  and breath

make room to taste
  taste the empty bowl when it was full
  while it is full. Linger on the crunch
  and texture; how it melts – knowing
  this in itself is delicious. How it bites
  back or holds an hour long flavour in
  one single bite. Let the tongue swim
  in desire for just this second because
  this sense, like none other, is willing
  to take its turn, slowly salivate
  desire bringing a perfect readiness
  nature is doing her job, nature is
  swallowing, digesting, absorbing
  and letting go exactly and precisely
  balancing a complex organism so simply
  so simply

and in amongst all the perfect
choreography of tongue and thanksgiving
I remember; I am blessed. I am
loved more than I will ever know.
I am Gratitude. Abundance. And the
pain-staking obliteration of everything
else focused on the end of my fork

make room to feel
  feel the pinpoint attention
  mine melting, yours piercing
  feel the still pond, feel the bolder
  drop when I lift the lid
  feel the slideshow reverberate on
  thin skin, feel the depthless
  struggle for survival, the nature
  of all things running its course, the
  disgrace and dignity dying like an
  extinction of something honoured
  feel the helplessness, go as deep as
  space itself, take the drop to the ocean
  and cry for humanity, for degradation
  that takes a being so far from
  home and so desperately hungry and thirsty

feel where you are not allowed
  to go, where the most beneficent and
  sustaining law for the soul
  is the very lid that denies and excludes
the heart of reality. Feel the dissection
the eroding and crumbling of the sun
the Life Giving. The source of sound
and sight
and smell
and taste,
feel all this shine sombrely, shine blazingly on
your skin!

and in amongst all the perfect
emotions, rough, raw and jarring
or polished as a weathered greenstone
feel the shakti rise and dance in one
cell, animate this cell, give life to this cell
sacrifice and make sacred all else
to this harbinger of truth, found in silence
- or song – in this perfect instinct

break my heart (March 2008)

5 Sep

break my heart
not in half
but wide open

may the space unfold
may grace fly
in and find me willing

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